Here Are Some Jokes...

Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn't eat?

Shut up and eat your meat loaf.

---

Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner?

Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet.

---

Mommy, Mommy! I hate my sister's guts.

Shut up and eat what's put in front of you.

---

Mommy, Mommy! What is a deliquent child?

Shut up, light your cigarette, drink your whisky and deal those cards.

Reasons computers must be male

1. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
   
   
2. A better model is always just around the corner.
   
   
3. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
   
   
4. It is always necessary to have a backup.
   
   
5. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
   
   
6. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
   
   
7. The lights are on but nobody's home

Sorry for eating the peanuts

A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.

Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he's absentmindedly finished the entire bowl. "I'm so sorry, auntie, I've eaten all of your peanuts!"

"That's okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I've sucked the chocolate off, I don't care for them anyway."